Mustache Contest Results
The results of the 1st Annual Ramadi Surgical Mustache Contest have been released. However, before we get to the final tally, I wanted to look back at some of the highlights from the numerous comments posted:
“If one of the criteria for best moustache contest is ‘most evocative of the village people’, I vote for #3”
“I definitely vote for stache numero uno. The triangular lines and fullness of this particular stache are impeccable. I enjoy the multicolors and the small piece of food stuck in it”
“#3 is Tyler’s right? - but which one is Trevor’s?”
“Kissing a man without a mustache is like eating an egg without salt”
“With ‘staches like that, it’s no wonder everyone wants the US out of Iraq”
“I vote for #2, with the hope there’s a fine mullet to match it”
“Mustache #4 – it’s got a good beat and you can dance to it”
“A Greek fisherman mustache, #3”
“#4 looks the best – as if he is compensating for something else”
Now on to the results…
Mustache #4 received the most votes with 37. However, mustache #4 was disqualified from the competition by the judges. Obvious and blatant infractions were identified when the votes were tallied. Mustache #4 was caught stuffing the ballot box in his favor. In fact, he enlisted a variety of people from all of the country who barely even knew him and were merely pawns in his plan to take over the mustache world.
Mustache #3 was second in the voting with 29 votes. Unfortunately, Mustache #3 withdrew from the competition in a cloud of accusations and allegations, likely due to his thick, black, and luxurious ‘stache at the time of the competition. There were rumors circulating about the use of Rogaine (a substance banned by the Mustache Growers Association of America [MGAA]). Mustache #3 claimed he only used natural lubricants and softeners but refused to submit a hair sample for analysis. When the MGAA came to forcefully obtain a sample, Mustache #3 had been shaved off and the hairs scattered over the deserts of Iraq.
Mustache #1 was a distant 3rd with 10 votes. When the judges saw the excessive gray in Mustache #1 they determined it should have competed in an older age category (a much older age category), and Mustache #1 was likewise removed from competition.
THE WINNER OF THE 1ST ANNUAL RAMADI SURGICAL MUSTACHE COMPETITION...
Despite only receiving 3 votes, Mustache #2 was declared the winner. Mustache #2 stayed within the MGAA guidelines, grew a natural mustache, competed in the appropriate category, and did not participate in nefarious voting strategies.
Some of you asked what the prize is... the winner (as well as the three losers) will receive an all expenses paid trip from Iraq to the United States in March of 2007!!